CHAPTER 25

With our first step into Egypt’s ancient corridors, our grand expectations were wrapped in a smothering blanket of despair.

"Beautiful woman, look, look, come here," echoed through the masses parting as we walked through the avenues of time lost.

"Oh, I want to fuck you, hey, hey, pretty lady!" another abruptly shouted to Bren.

"Mister, mister, you sell me your beautiful woman? No, okay, want to buy student ID or some hash?" one of the street vendors mockingly yelled to us.

The taunting, jeering, and ogling, followed Bren's every step through the crowded streets of this dirty, unnerving excursion into the Middle East, ironically the supposed mark for the beginning of civilization. A leering pervert lurked around every corner, and every pass of a shop was met with yet another snide comment. The insulting remarks followed us like our shadows, a relentless stream of sneering comments toward the "beautiful white woman." It was a steady barrage, one exacerbated by the constant intentional bumping and brushing against her even in the open streets of this sordid city. This crass jolt to the harsh realities of Cairo came on the heels of our belligerent taxi driver blatantly attempting to rip us off on the fare from the airport and then refusing to take us to the hotel we designated. These problems were frequently encountered during our travels, but not to this degree and not all at once, and after several crude remarks to Bren, we removed ourselves from the taxi and began a three-hour siege on foot. Eventually, we found an economical and surprisingly pleasant place just outside the heart of the city with far less derision and discord. We feebly crashed onto the bed exhausted, physically and emotionally, our nerves raw and tattered, but at least we were finally safe from the callous onslaught of an overbearing Cairo.

"I'm sorry Bri," Bren said with a deep dispirited sigh, "but I hate this place! No, I despise it. I know you've looked forward to seeing Egypt your entire life, but I don't know how long I can take it, I'm ready to leave already."

"I can't believe it either. No wonder everyone who comes to Egypt does so on a tour, isolated from this. I think I’m far beyond even the help of the Tioman monk this time!"

A place I had looked forward to my whole life, indeed a place I felt drawn to by some celestial force and one that seemed to hold a seed of my destiny, and after a single day my expectations were pierced. And with this lost hope I fell limp.

I walk through the Grand Gallery of the Great Pyramid, and I hold in my hand a massive two-edged sword. I feel the rebellion of my soul swell; it pulsates, energized from a source unseen within the belly of this limestone giant. I sense it, this nightside of life, and it has come to me in this lucid dream. Yet as I scrape the stone walls with the tip of my sword, it seems anything but a dream. Although I had never previously been to Egypt, I see the interior of this massive pyramid, and it prompts me to question the truth of this reality. As this question floats through my mind, I arrive in the King’s chamber where a white-haired man sits Buddha-like atop an upside-down pyramid prism. Seven angels stand behind him and say nothing. From this crystallized prism a rainbow of colors surges forth and penetrates my soul, and this man then speaks to me without words. Images flash, and two stand out and prominently lay on the floor before me: a slain lamb and the same white lily I held in my hand in Namibia. I gaze downward to the sword in my grip and its covered in blood, the same blood of the innocent lamb. With my free hand I reach down to pick up the now bloodstained lily from the floor. As I do, the room instantly falls to blackness and only a scant, but consistent, beacon of light remains where the upside-down prism once stood.

In this ether dream, I understood and recognized the choice before me. From the firestone, this crystal illuminating the path to the universal force, I was clearly shown the choice between the natural rebellion of the soul and selfless compassion. The forces are one, a constant stream of the same, and thusly, they can be used for either constructive or destructive uses—the choice is ours. I had trekked over the land, scaled mighty mountains, sailed the rolling seas, and soared through the heavens of earth to get here, this crossroad to the infinite, the eternal fires of nature. I saw again the struggle between Gabriel and Death, the merging of the two, and the explosion of light. In a flash I was standing in the sands of the Giza Plateau under a blanket of stars that beamed light forth and illuminated the lush, fertile forest all around me. I felt distinctly the sand between my toes and yet these pyramids rose to sky from a prolific basin of green. I gazed upward to the constellation of Orion from the base of the Great Pyramid and seven stars stood out, and these seven angels twinkled brightly above the rest. They grew in intensity until one-by-one they fell from the sky and landed upon the paws of the Sphinx. I stood again in silent blackness, and from this timeless space I woke to the muggy darkness of our hotel room with remnants of ether still in my nostrils.

***************

The following morning, we walked into a prominent hotel to exchange money figuring it was as far away from the real Cairo as we were going to get.

"Are you a member of the hotel?" the teller asked.

"Actually, we are not--" I began saying when he interrupted, "Well, then I cannot help you."

After being a bit taken back I inquired, "What does staying at the hotel have to do with exchanging money?"

"It's only for the guests of the hotel--"

"But this is an actual bank, right," I said looking up at the bank sign above me, "It's just located in the hotel?"

"Yes, but I still cannot help you."

"You just changed money for the guy in front of me and he wasn’t a guest at the hotel," I pleaded.

"Hmm. Well, he was Egyptian."

I stood utterly befuddled by the rules bent toward convenience or any personal whim; and it seemed that way with every twisty turn within this land of chaos and disarray.

"Let's go, Bri, we'll just go into the city--"

"Excuse me, but are you Americans?" a pudgy, middle-aged, well-dressed man asked us through the stubby cigar wedged in the side of his mouth.

"Yeah, we are frustrated Americans right now. By your accent I take it you are American as well," I replied.

"You guess right, Bob Duffy's the name and this is my wife Barb," he sternly offered with his hand firmly held out toward me.

"Ah, the good old American style of doing things," I comfortably thought bringing some sense of sanity to this tumultuousness as I tightly grasped his hand.

"Here, give us the money you want exchanged," he said to us.

As I began to speak, "Oh, forget it, it's not a problem," Bob cut me off, "Don’t worry about it, the only prerequisite is you join us for lunch."

"That's definitely a deal, I'd do it just to hear you guys talk some more. I'm really missing home, if you couldn't tell," Bren quickly interjected to a collective laugh, "especially after being here for a day!"

As we found a table at a small restaurant in the city, Bob didn't waste any time, "Well d'ya find any places better than the United States...oh couldn't possibly, it's just the best, the best country in the world."

"Do you want an honest answer?"

"Oh yea, of course," Bob returned but with a sincere note of hesitation.

"Well, honestly I think it depends on--" I began when Bob abruptly interrupted, "Hold on there Brian, let's see if we can get a waiter here. Goddamn it, what the hell are they waiting for around here, Christmas!"

He began snapping his fingers in the air at several of the waiters who were off in the distance serving other customers.

"Hell, I'll tell ya nobody 'round here knows how to do business that's for damn sure. Well, anyway, what is it that you do, Brian and Brenda?"

I sat back in the chair, looked at Bren with a sly grin and replied, "Well, I'm a town crier actually."

"Oh really, interesting; me, I'm a stockbroker. Doing quite well you know, with the economy these days. Oh, who am I kidding, business is booming!" he said with chuckle and nod to Barb who then softly stroked his arm.

"It's about time there, honcho!" he barked at the waiter, "Look, here's a little something to keep us on the 'A' list if you know what I mean," Bob continued as he slipped an Egyptian pound note into his meager hand.

"On a serious note what about that Southeast Asian crisis, whole economies going in the pot over there. You spent some time over there in the rice fields, huh?"

"Yeah," I meekly deferred taken back with his reference.

"You know I'm real interested in that area, especially being a stockbroker and all, after what you saw over there does this crash surprise you?" Bob genuinely inquired.

"No, it doesn't surprise me at all. They have a Capitalist obsession with material things, with money, with always desiring more, and it certainly seems that the western way leads to excess, just look at our own country. Unfortunately, they are being strangled by it. We could see it clearly on Peninsular Malaysia, a country that seemed filled with the vane and narcissistic, and without a doubt, they were consumed by western capitalism yet without the structure to support it."

"Interesting, because just before we came here on vacation, I was doing some research on that region for some stocks, and I was nearing the same conclusion. Glad to hear that, definitely have to stay away from that region for a while, then jump on it!"

"You’re not really concerned for the welfare of that part of the world?" I inquired.

"C'mon Brian, I'm a business man, I've got a family, if I can make money from their situation, great, if not, it's really not much concern for me. What the hell they'd ever do for America except have their hand out?"

"You don't even have a concern that this could happen to us?"

"Are you joking?" he said leaning over the table almost whispering. He was truly shocked, "Hell no, I'm not concerned. It's America for God's sake."

"Well, I'll tell ya, Bob, it's truly a sad day, a sad day for us all—these economic crisis’s in other parts of the world, because they should be a stark, if not a downright stern, warning. I can tell you Southeast Asians were a microcosm of our spending habits and our narrow view of the world; the only difference is that we had a stronger economic base. Only our ignorance and shortsightedness keeps us from seeing its overt signs."

"Oh boy, we got a live one here!" Bob belted out with a hearty laugh as he clamored for another drink, "Listen Brian, that's bullshit! Our economy has never been so strong."

"Naturally, there’s a myriad of factors that precipitated this crash, many of which don’t exist in America; however, I don't think it has as much to do with economics as our perspective. We Americans are far too shortsighted for our own good, just like the Malaysians, only we have a stronger base for our economy. Frankly, I think it's going to cost us one day. It's going to cost us one day in the place it would hurt the most, our pocketbooks over the long term."

"Sorry, Brian, but I think that's just bullshit, we'll be fine. We always have been, and always will. We are Americans, we’ll just keep on truckin’ the way we always do, and we always come out on top."

"I think what you're saying, with all due respect, is a bunch of hot air," I quickly responded and just as quickly Bren grabbed my leg under the table, and I knew she was telling me to just keep quiet and let's get out of here. Undeterred however, I pushed on filled with a zesty fervor and the conversation took a decidedly emotional swing.

"What I think is bullshit is to bury our heads in the sand, to not see the state of the world the way it truly is, to hide behind brash, imperious statements of confidence, all in the blind hope that it will be all right. Yes, that we are Americans and by that very statement, it affords us these comfy, cozy little lives. I don't buy into that philosophy at all. Actually, I resent that statement because it's blatantly myopic, and that's precisely that type of attitude that is going to cost us as Americans one day. You know why?"

"Oh, c'mon boy," he said with a robust laugh, "Bring it on, let's hear it!"

"Because America is filled with many people who share your attitude and perspective, many who live only in the present day. However, when something does go wrong with the economy, which we both know is only a matter of time, people will panic and fear will consume these same people because they have just been hoping for so long, living in the present day. A strong economy over the long run is one that builds toward the future not based on the present day—it’s one that builds into it the tendency for natural positive and negative swings as part of the cycle. We don’t. And to make matters worse, we’ve already lost faith in everything but the dollar bill—we’ve lost therefore, those things that sustain the morale and spirit of a society or culture over those economic valleys. And as we readily indulge and enjoy the fruits of this shortsighted perspective, we just blindly expect it to continue. Only when the economy changes and American’s pocketbooks are hit, will we see that our souls are empty! Frankly, with as violent and narcissistic as our society has become, I fear that we'd then turn on one another."

"Well, you said a mouthful there! You know though, I'm not completely with you on your analysis of our economy, just because I think that no other country can beat us, there are no other superpowers, it's just us. However, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm inclined to agree with you about the faith stuff. Can't even rely on your neighbor anymore. I can remember, Brian and Brenda, a time when..." he said looking off in space, "Ah, well, forget it, another time maybe."

"C'mon Bob, just because we are a superpower doesn't prevent our economy from collapsing, or simply, moving into a natural recession. Personally, I see this as a highly fluid situation, because in the genesis of this global economy, we need trade partners, and this creates interdependency. In a decade or two, every economic action of a major country or region will significantly impact another."

"That's part of the problem for many Americans right there! It seems everyone around the world always has their hand out! And I'm growing pretty damn tired of it."

"But that is in part what I'm driving at here. Isn’t it America's responsibility to lead the way by setting the example, then get the cooperation of the other nations around the globe who are stout and healthy economically to benefit the smaller underdeveloped nations. In the end, it benefits us all, and we need to develop a system for solving worldwide economic problems."

"No way, I don’t agree; but hey, let's eat!" Bob said staring at me with a wry smile as our food had been placed before us.

As we finished our meals where the conversation had turned back toward our respective travels, Bob gazed at me conspicuously as he wiped his mouth and said, "So, how do we prevent this, how do we stay on top?"

"I don't have any solutions, I'm not an economist, but I do know from seeing the world, that we need to build, truly build our country toward the future, including our economy. Simply, we cannot always live in the present day. However, to build we must open our eyes to what's transpiring around us and in the world. We must seize our opportunity now to build for the future instead of using up everything we make and our resources."

"I think we do lead, like I said before we're always helping out all these other countries. We're always bailing someone out, and then they end up resenting us anyway."

"Yeah, in some cases, I agree we do help out, and in many cases we are resented, but in so many more cases we don't do anything or we act with a selfish motives. It certainly seems we always have some manipulating strategy to get something significant in return. Just look at the Gulf War and how we fought that war simply for oil. Interestingly, a few years after the war, Bren and I were in Turkey, and did you know that America had brought their considerable girth down on them to shut down their own pipeline of oil from Iraq—naturally that was for our own good so we could squeeze the Iraqi’s. But for the Turks, it cost them billions and billions of dollars, it was Turkey's primary source of revenue, and their economy suffered terribly as a result. It drastically affected each person walking the streets and still years afterward they we asking me, as an American, how we could do this to them. Can you imagine if a country tried to do this to the United States? In fact, did you ever even hear about this?"

"No, never. But if someone tried that with us, we'd simply back them off with our military--"

"Exactly, no country ever would, because we are a superpower, but the point is that we do these things to others simply because we can. Simply, because we have the power."

"Look, I'm not some innocent pup here, Bri, I with you on this. Really. You’re right, we only hear, as manipulated by our government, the good deeds not the bad ones. It certainly seems that we've done our share of manipulating the world."

"Even more, in the history of the world, those in power have always sought to emasculate the vulnerable groups, by destroying their powers of resistance, and clearly, as much as we'd like to think to contrary, we are no different than any of the other Empires who ruled before us. We just understand that economics rule the world today, so that’s where we attack."

"Yeah, I definitely believe that, I mean let's not be naive here. But the world needs someone to put its foot down, someone to grab control."

"I agree. We are the avenue, for better or worse, to the future for the world. However, we cannot, and I think this what I've learned most about traveling, continue to attempt to legislate the world and its politics, especially when most of the times our position is completely hypocritical."

"C'mon you can't make a statement like that without support, give me some examples there, son?"

"I'll give you three older ones.  One the United States' blatant refusal to pay United Nation's dues, just how can you expect other countries to pay the bill for us. Two, our reluctance to sign an international treaty against land mines, and three, and the most disturbing to me personally, is our aversion to limit carbon dioxide emissions or the garbage we generate. How can you say we are concerned for the planet, or the world? Simply, you can't. It certainly seems that we are only concerned with ourselves, and it's important that we as Americans realize that's the way many other countries view us."

"What exactly are you saying, my friend?"

"I'm saying that Americans have become complacent. I think that the American government is riding a soapbox of ignorance, while they push the already apathetic masses further into the dark corner of oblivion, removed from the realities of our policies that in general are designed only to garner more votes for the party in power. Even our international policies are designed not for the betterment of humanity, or the world, only to better the position of our domestic policy, the American Government, and sadly and most prominently, for the politics of our country."

"Hey, no doubt about it, I think our politics definitely detract from the straight path, and lead us places we only dare to see in our nightmares. No convincing is needed there."

"You see, the problem here is that even if you are thinking from a pure selfish point of view—as an American citizen you must face the appalling reality that even our own government is sending us down the proverbial river. Because when you look around the world, you realize that we are losing face, we are losing respect because of these hypocritical stances, because we are trying to legislate the world from a position of self-righteousness and proclaimed virtuousness, we judge the world from our spurious moral high-chair. It stimulates an incredible amount of indignation and resentment toward us, and in many instances, it's justifiable, as we enact international laws and treaties that even we don't heed. Our own polices, quite ironically, only encourage many of these otherwise cooperative countries to oppose us. That's not leading the world!"

"Okay, so let me say that I buy your rendition, which I'm truthfully inclined to do so, I mean I see where you are going," Barb interjected to the dismay of her husband, "But really what is the answer?"

"I don't see an easy answer, it's difficult to be on top, people are always going to have something to gripe about, there's always going to be another attack on America, but it's important to realize that we have been weak, we have accepted the status quo in an ever changing world. It's imperative to our growth as a nation to see the reality of our existence, to see what it truly means to an American. Our government has designed this system, but the core of the problem rests with the people of America. As long as our domestic economic policies keep dollars in our pockets, we could care less about the rest of the globe. I know this to be true even about myself before I left to travel, however alarmingly, it's something that now pervades each one of our beings and our way of thinking. And that’s extremely dangerous."

"Yeah, I agree with you there, Brian," Barb interjected taking a keen interest in the conversation, "and it seems, doesn’t it, that the message we send to the politicians, is do whatever it takes to keep the dollars freely flowing into our pockets and little else matters."

"Exactly," I said with a smile.

"The problem is, it can't remain that way for much longer, because in a global economy, soon our policies and our economic stability will be inextricably intertwined. As long as we continue to be apathetic and allow our government to blindly maim our credibility and sell us down the Hypocritical River, we run the serious risk of economic disaster down the road. So, I see that much of the problem is with, ironically, the American people."

"What? That's absolutely ridiculous. Come now my boy," Bob bellowed, "We've made this country, we've built the strongest country in the world, now your going to turn around and say that it's our fault. No way, I don't buy it!"

"It's ironic, the heart of Democracy lies with the freedom of the people, but when people don't utilize their individual freedoms to keep the government and those elected on their toes, this is exactly what happens. Democracy falls helplessly to its knees by the people who control it, namely us."

He laughed roaringly, "I'll tell you, at least it sounds good, but I still don’t buy it," he said trickling off into his laughter as he shook his head and slapped the table.

"I guess we’re just going to have to agree to disagree," I replied.

"Yes, that’s certainly so here, but c'mon son, don't stop there, it's just gettin' good!"

"Well, my point is that we must, as a people, understand that we are not leading the world, we are merely trying to control it. There's a big difference. Disturbingly, as we lose our credibility for our nonsensical, even maniacal, policies and grossly unilateral actions, we only alienate ourselves. This is extremely important, because in a global economy we don't want to be forced into a tyrannical position in order to maintain the structure of our economy. We don't want to have to dictate terms to other countries to trade with us, in order to stabilize our own economy. If this happens then you are, even though still the most powerful country in the world, at their mercy. America will be humbled if we do not wake up. I think it's inevitable. Now, do you see where I'm going?"

"Yeah I do, you've given me a bit of a jolt, hard to swallow if it turns true, ya know," Barb replied.

"But when it comes down to it, I just don't think we owe anyone anything," Bob quickly followed.

"That's definitely where we differ, I do. Not only is it in our best interests economically to be this way, I think it's our duty. We must be a ‘leader’ of the world, and that's, ultimately, what I've been trying to say. I think we do have an obligation not to exploit, not to manipulate a vulnerable country, not to slaughter the innocent, and not just throw money at a problem. With power comes responsibility. In fact, I would go even one step further and say it's our duty to help unite the world, it may be our marker, our destiny, rather than taking everywhere and abusing our power simply because we can."

I sat back and thought to myself, "My God, is America just the larger version of the guide on our South African tour, Butch? Have we become power mongers of the planet bullying and exploiting much of the world, all under the shield of Democracy and freedom?"

"Look, Bob, either way you can't just 'buy' the rest of the world?"

"Hey, I don't see any reason why not. What is there to stop us? I'm not up for exploiting, I'm with you there, but buying, yes, I'm all for it."

"The problem is that they can't be bought--"

"Oh, don't hand me any of that bullshit, I don't care where you've been, what you've seen, you haven't learned anything if you don't know that everyone can be bought."

"Well, I know two who can't," Bren instinctively interjected with fire looking sternly in Bob's direction.

"Boy, you sure picked a great place to jump in there Bren," I thought.

"Ya know Bob, I believe that she's right about that," Barb said with a sharp look directly back at Bob. Bren and I sat quiet as they stared each other down.

"Besides Bob, if you have to force them to be bought then that's a form of exploitation. Isn't it?"

Bob then turned back toward me with a giant grin and said, "You know, Barb's probably right. And I like guys like you, you stir the pot a little, which is always good, it's always good. Don't agree with all you have to say, that's for sure, but you have your heart in the right place. One thing's for sure, my friend, too few of us do and I'll be the first to admit that."

***************

As evening fell upon the Mother of the World, I sat on the balcony of our hotel room as a warm breeze blew softly across my face and I slipped away. My mind filled with intoxicating memories of the trip and my spirit lifted to the remote islands of paradise, the glorious golden sandy beaches, the clear turquoise waters, the sound of the waves gently lapping on shore, and I dreamed of a place where I was again untethered and free. Then, just as quickly the sounds of the bustling city echoed through my hazy head, the suffocating hot, polluted air filled my lungs, and I choked once again on the reality of my existence. This was a difficult place and a tumultuous path lay ahead. I sensed it absolutely. I knew that Cairo only ominously portended of the arduous journey that was now clearly unfolding. It was agonizingly simple and yet provocatively complex. I was bound now, and the torrential path was imbued deeply in pain, but somehow I was comforted. The circle was closing.

I kicked back and watched the stars mystically appear above me, growing brighter with each moment of descending sunlight. Bren was doing her wash in the sink, and as the trip draws to a close I reluctantly contemplated the future. With each passing day I realize that the future of America and indeed that of the world are eclipsing my personal future. It consumes my thoughts, even my emotions, and drives me to understand that which we have built, that which we seek, and that which we endeavor to contribute in the morrow. I am restless, deeply troubled, and it daunts me like the unseen forces beyond who float at my deathbed anxiously awaiting my arrival into their world. Which way will I turn, which way will I go, who will take me?

I am savagely torn, and in this uneasy state I can only hope.

I gaze into the fluttering psychedelic pattern and search for the strands of a beginning.

For Americans, the starting point, sadly, falls within the realm of economics. It is the lifeblood of our material needs, and indeed, it is the bane of our existence. We depend absolutely on its endowment for it is our drug. It therefore provides the quickest source of failure for us as a nation. In this regard, we must understand that the next World War will be fought on an economic field; however, this in no way dismisses its effect or impact for it will be one of monumental proportions. It will shape the world for perhaps the remainder of the 21st Century, a battle over territories and relationships that could dwarf the scale of the previous two wars. On some basic level it has already begun. These truly are dangerous times in which we live, and to make matters worse, we ignore the ominous signs, choosing rather to remain secluded from the realities of the world. The "cold war" is over and no enemy looms in the public consciousness, and this creates an even more secure environment for this fatal plague to worm its way innocuously into our culture, our structure, and even within our individual psyches. Simply, we no longer have an overt, conspicuous enemy that unifies our thoughts and beings. Yes, these are very dangerous times.

I am again struck with America’s role in "helping" the world develop. Just how much do we as a nation truly care about the freedom of the people in other countries, how much do we care if Democracy prevails in the world? And how much of it is that we simply desire another "free market" to share with, merely to boost our own economic strength, to have another string to pull? Yes, how much is the pursuit of Democratic values and how much is the pursuit of Capitalistic Liberalism? I think back to Southeast Asia, and the complexity of understanding the extent of the exploitation—just how easy it becomes to assert an altruistic value to guise an uglier intent or rationale of a government or culture. Just how much do we share our fortunes and pledge our sacred honor? America, it certainly seems, is in the business of controlling the world, not leading it. Strikingly though, as we move toward "global capitalization" we will soon discover, as average Americans, that as this globalization begins to take more of a stronghold world-wide, we will be just like everyone else at the mercy of its will. We, the United States of America, cannot control this awesome puissance of will, its direction, or most importantly, its effect. That’s a frightening, even daunting reality, one that most fail to see at all. What will happen to America when it realizes that, yes it may have the largest impact on the world but it is no longer in control? It is at the mercy of the others, and worse, that the precious dollars held so dear are based on outside influences; what impact will this "fallout" have on the psyche of each American?

However, we must realize what is it that is eating away at the foundation of America before we can consider our place in the global economy. If we are to give back to the world, we must do so by looking within first; we must look within fiery core of our own country before we can understand the "reality" outside of it. Here within the magic bubble, once again, it begins with basic economics. The middle class, the backbone and heart of America past, is dwindling rapidly, and with each passing day the system creates an even greater disparity. Unfortunately, America is developing a caste system with two inextricably intertwined elements, race and economics. It's a potentially devastating caste system, one where those in power are secured by that which controls America, money; sadly, the rest of us savagely climb on top of one another desperately struggling to join them. America is still the land of opportunity if you jump through its hoops, but those hoops now are moving at an ever-increasing pace making it ever more difficult to seize that golden opportunity. The gap between the rich and the poor is growing exponentially every year, and the ranks of the rich and poor are bulging beyond proportions ever before realized in our country's history. Indeed, the rich are getting richer and the poor, poorer. The poor are now becoming trapped, while the rich sit back counting their stockpile, ignorant, protected, harnessed in isolation from the world around them.

What is grossly disconcerting about the system, however, is not the disparity of money because this is America—the Capitalist marvel of the world, but rather that it's creating a "hit or miss" culture. Either you hit it "big" or what's the point in living. The American dream is now dangerously consumed with money and power. This gap has created, especially among the ranks of the poor, a mentality to reach for the stars, which although positive inspirationally, also creates the impression that if you don't make it your life amounts to little, and you're otherwise relegated, even doomed, to the shackles of poverty. Whatever happened to having a home, a stable environment for your children, a decent job with a decent wage, paying taxes, contributing to society and enjoying life. The sacred goals of the middle class and for those on the bottom to try and live up to with some hard work have been stripped away. They’re gone. Everybody wants to drive a Lexus now; no one is content with a Chevy.

Even more disturbing, is that within this "hit or miss" system, we have now created the built-in mechanism for greed, ruthlessness and a barbaric mentality for reaching the top. It has actually become acceptable behavior. It now affects each one of us, and the rich, namely those in power, only buy more protection to shield themselves from the others—we the ranks of the "primitive" majority, from this growing malady. We are made to suffer at their expense, and now living in America means living within a ball of negative energy that spins each one of our lives into frenzied turmoil. It feeds on its virulent self, and now we're feeding on each other. You can't even drive down a freeway in America without feeling its cold, penetrating knife digging into your side. It's eating away at our souls, and the soul of our America. Sadly, we have been "programmed" to merely accept this devastating trend, to mindlessly grope for an American Dream that only holds the golden ring for a select, lucky few, and even then, it is an ideal that undermines the essence of being human.

Robots unite! We must look beneath our metal and computer chips to see, to understand, that whoever holds the syringe filled with another dose of their "truth," controls our sense of "reality"—our programmed sense of the world around us. Whoever controls this "reality" then can manipulate the "truth" into whatever form they deem necessary and we are bound within this vicious, never-ending circle, which negates the sanctity of our being. Our natural rebellion and passionate spirit have been subdued by thoughts of the hypnotic carat dangling in front of our eyes, while the "American Dream," the "American Dream" is mumbled repetitively into our heads. Clearly, there is no need for Big Brother within these walls of America, for our competitive, greedy souls now have been so tainted that we "watch" each other, and we freely force the next in line to submit to this diseased dream.

Yes, it is the source of our personal automation.

My body shakes violently; I shudder as I shed a tear for my America because it now only bears a crumbling resemblance of its former greatness. I see the light glimmering from the lighthouse, its beaming ray of light searches into the darkness, and it comforts me. But after the light flickers a few times, I move in closer drawn by its inconsistency, and examine the slender, rising structure before me. The cracks and chipped paint are obvious, and as I move inside I see there is little holding this giant structure up. As I moved to the stairs leading to the top, I call out through its vacuous belly, yet no one answers. I climb to the top, where I find the precious source of the light, but still no one is around. Now, I am terrified once again.

"Who is controlling this light, who controls our programming?" I solemnly wondered.

I see a place where the President of the United States, the leader of the world, is quickly becoming a mere figurehead. It’s a place where those entrusted to run the structure of this great country have become in every sense of the word just "politicians," and even worse, the welfare of the country takes a backseat to the "game." It’s a place where CEO’s now retain more power, more public trust, than our political leaders, and they are driven solely by the power of the "profit margin." I see a place where apathy and complacency grip the supposed power base of this structure. I see a place where Democracy is quickly losing its distinction and meaning; indeed, our precious, hallowed structure of Democracy is moving toward a parliamentary system. I see a place where foreign investment on American soil is increasing ever so drastically, and it now impedes America’s strength and power. I see a place where "big business" chews up mercilessly the "little guys" who once made America the true land of opportunity. I see a place where the system accentuates the worst in its citizens, and where it now cradles the dark side of each of our beings. I see a place where everything that made this place special and unique is jeopardized, and now the dark prophecy is dangerously close to fulfillment. Who is manning the lighthouse, who is controlling America, who is controlling us?

Have we, as Americans, become the nightside of life slaughtering the lambs as we see fit?

Bren stands before me on the star-lit balcony, silently hanging the washed clothes, she smiles at me, innocently, unguarded, and her warm eyes pierce through my icy thoughts and embrace my chilling fears. She melts my heart. I know this is the value of life, and the preciousness of human life lies within this moment. Somehow, she sees inside me. She stretches out upon my lap, wipes away my tears and leans in and kisses me softly on the cheek and whispers ever so gently in my ear, "I love you and I always will..." My body submits to this purifying essence, the elixir that soothes my soul, and I release the fear, the anxiety. I drift away and dream. I look into the newborn's innocent face, I touch his silky skin, I pick him up and hold him in my arms, his sweet inspiring beauty before me, I smell his pristine essence, I wipe his salty tears and tenderly rock away his worries. He looks up at me with such gentle purity, his eyes touch mine, and I behold the sanctity of the soul. I see this white light, I feel its pervasive warmth, and as gazed deeply into the eyes of the babe in my arms, I choose. I drop the sword for I had the lily already in my arms. I held her tightly, and I knew that I didn't want to lose this; I didn't want to give it up, this innocence, this hope, this love, this humanity.

It is within this precious moment that embodies the beginning, the tiny beacon of light for a new culture. It is here that America must begin.

***************

I wander the chaotic streets of Cairo alone, being bumped from side to side, and although I choose my course and my legs churn away, my path almost has a will of its own. I bounce from place to place, ducking, sidestepping the oncoming masses, and yet the tidal flow of people keeps me moving, afraid to stop, afraid to move forward, and it seems that I have no choice but to continue walking ever more briskly. I scrutinize this throng of madness and within it I see a "pattern." Suddenly I grow more comfortable, I’m able to look around as this distorted montage seems to slow. I then see the faces of the people walking by, their expressions, the buildings, and the atmosphere of this bustling metropolis. I feel the vibrating energy of this mass, unfocused and misdirected, and even though I can almost see this force I can do little to stop it and its tidal flow swallows me.

I quickly duck into an Egyptian café.

We know that we are here in this realm to develop, to learn; we know it deep within each of our souls. But there is more, we must look inside ourselves beyond this basic goal to find a rhythm in our search for significance and our destiny. Because, within this rhythm—this stringy flow to our existence, is a pattern, a distinct and intricate path toward harmony. And yes, within this rhythm flows a path that leads to harmonic unison with the entire universe, and we are a component of this pattern, this natural order. We could simply be a minuscule slice of this pattern or an integral part of it, we won’t know that for some time, but what we do know is that we fit, we belong somewhere within this massive expanse. And it begins within, with each of our individual patterns of destiny in this earthly realm.

Part of the human existence is to bring this distinct rhythm to the randomness and arbitrariness that surrounds us in this realm—to bring the spiritual into the material world. Indeed, we hope to be mimicking life beyond, the essence of what is unseen, unknown, and we must have faith that in the beyond is order and harmony. And for the most part, we’ve been shown a small slice of this harmony beyond. However, without struggling to find our significance and our destiny here in this realm, by failing to grasp some basic understanding of the spiritual laws, and ultimately by allowing the randomness and arbitrariness to control us, we merely carry that experience over with us. We will bring even more chaos, more challenges, more darkness, with us into the next realm. Simply, without understanding in this realm, we cannot in the next. It is a form of karma, or memory of soul, which stays with us and reinforces our actions in this realm, upon other souls in this realm, and carries over those actions into the next dimension—for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. We cannot escape it, and so, yes what we learn here must logically carry-over into the next realm. Hope therefore lies at the level of spiritual development of each and every soul here in this realm, and we must learn that which we sow, we must reap. Here, now, in the beyond and forevermore, our actions create consequence.

Although this force, this act of karma—this rubber band of consequence, cannot be seen, it exists. Practically, there is little difference between scientific evidence—the tangible, and spiritual evidence—the intangible, because both serve the same purpose to us as human beings; that is, to empower us individually and collectively. Both are the same for they battle against those corrosive toxins that permeate this realm. They are in fact branches of the same tree. As such, regardless that one is seen and the other unseen, both provide us with confidence and security to make decisions and meet our destiny. However, it is WE as the actors of these decisions that must accept and bear the consequences of that act regardless of the evidence or rationale that prompted the act. Whether scientifically or spiritually, one must learn by the same method of accepting responsibility—that we must reap what we sow. Yes, that every action should be a sacrament to the pattern of the universe, to the essence of our creation. This is the natural order of the universe, and it exists in the seen and unseen, the tangible and intangible, in matter and antimatter, and in this dimension and the next. This order manifests, therefore, not only in earth but in the stringy fabric of the entire universe.

Ultimately however, it is in the unknown, the unseen that we must trust as we accept this gift of self-responsibility. Why? Because it is here in the unseen, the darkness, that we discover ourselves, and uncover the essence of our purpose and meaning. It is here that we find our significance. It is here that one finds God. If God could ever be a fixed condition, a fixed entity, or a fixed image, then He is found here, and not in a book, not in a preacher’s words, and not in the external world. If the soul is to know God, it must forget itself entirely. Because as long as it is incessantly aware and conscious of Self, it will not see or be conscious of God or the "pattern" in earth. However, once Man releases those selfish appetites and material concerns, when Man then peers into the dark glassy window to the soul, it will discover its true nature, and in doing so, it finds itself again in God, and in the "pattern." Man becomes a part of the "pattern." For we are insubstantial in this material world, but in the universe, in the spiritual side of creation, there is nothing which is not us. This is our significance in being part of something larger than ourselves, something that exists in this realm and beyond, something that manifests in the pattern and creates a natural order for each soul embarking upon this golden seamless journey. Is this stringy path of creation, this vibrating pattern in earth, the Way? Is this the path of our return, the path up the mountain of rock to the heavens from our fall which dropped us into the depths of the fiery core of earth? If true, this place, this world, this earth, not only becomes an integral but a necessary environment to discover this path, for by understanding the darkness we understand light, by understanding the light we understand darkness.

Even Einstein, a renowned atheist, believed that there was a natural order to the universe, and that man had a distinct place within its organized grip. As I learned from Eebu, to merely "think" is to deny a mammoth piece of being human, for it’s only a one-dimensional view of the world. So, to take a blind step into this natural order, to accept its randomness and arbitrariness, we are taking the first bold step toward understanding ourselves and answering the plaguing question as to who we are. It is important that we understand that, again on a basic level, here in this realm America has begun to unravel the fine strands of a philosophy that betrays this precious beginning. Specifically, we have undermined the basic tenants of our societal construct—our familial base and Democratic base, as well as crippled the spiritual purpose in this realm—by tainting the spiritually pure with the material. We have chosen to pursue this material world, one laced with the singular pursuits of money and technology, both of which only embolden our efforts to make this an "easier" place to live and further separate us from our roots, our creation, our true "reality." Instead, we have produced a soul-corrupting world, one that is deeply based upon a memorized pattern of reactions. For in this land of chaos, we perceive to create our own order, one based upon fragile labels, associations and prejudices—they create a social strata in this illusory world, where we only contribute to this swirling vortex of chaos. Therefore, we merely react to our environment, which then becomes a series of interlocking artificial elements, instead of actions expressed from the purity within our souls. We only infect the spiritual by blindly embracing the material. Even more, we have intentionally separated ourselves from Nature, from our gilded reflection, and therefore from the resounding example of the purity of life. Simply, the senses no longer sense, the mind no longer thinks, the soul no longer connects, and the spirit no longer grows. We fail to see inward, we fail to give outward, and in this most crucial aspect of human life, we deny being human at all. And sadly, we will reap what we sow—in this realm and beyond. The "underlying pattern," the natural order of this massive playground tells us this; indeed, it warns us.

As we gaze at our distinctive footprints, our markers of the past and those leading into the future, we must all ask ourselves: Are we simply that primitive, that ignorant, or just that egoistic? We know the signs, we realize the overt lessons of Nature—we feel it in our souls, and yet, we still refuse to acknowledge the destructive course we have constructed. As we take this course so blindly, and we manifestly accept its short-term benefits by supplying us with the "easy road," we must at least do so knowing what pitfalls loom ahead. Yes, that we reap what we sow, and the devastating consequence of "selling out" our humanity will certainly ravage the generations to come. We will have apathetically crushed the path of our destiny, the faith, and denigrated our significance as human beings, and indeed, for all of humanity.

Let us all at least take the solemn trip to the Grand Canyon, a source our strength as a nation, and confront the mirror that it holds up to the onlooker’s being. Look into the shiny, reflecting surface in its walls, and "see" the essence of what we’ve become, and take a deeper look and "see" the destiny our children’s future. We must behold what it is that we, as a nation—the professed leader of the world, have sown for America and worse for all of humanity.

Because simply:

We are who we were.

We are what we accept.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

We reap what we sow.

And from darkness we understand light.

As I look into this massive chasm within myself, within my soul, I gaze upon the harshly reflecting walls of the Grand Canyon and I feel an absolute rage for the world that we have created. This violent fury churns with every beat of my heart. However, it only stimulates the chaos of this world and buries the purity of my intent. In this hollowed anguish, I understand now why that the lily in my dreams is always blood soaked, for within this spinning, twisting world we have produced, every step forward is always laced with sufferance.

The only question is whether we bear it or create more of it.

Copyright © 2000 PbFisher. All rights reserved.